Lessons I should have learned by now

I have been a Mom for 22 years. Almost 23. In that time, you would think I would have learned the difference between "the boy ate too much Easter candy" and "stomach flu that will soon affect the entire family". And, even when failing to catch that little distinction, knowing that something was up, there is no way I should have caved to said son's requests to cook TACOS for dinner tonight…..

 

It is going to be a long evening…..

It expired – when?

I never realized how therapeutic it can be to clean out a refrigerator.

Seriously.

I can't clean up my life but that two month old bag of what used to be lettuce is outta here!

Two bags of trash and almost an entire bottle of 409 later and – OMG – it is possible to see things! And not one argument about "that curry sauce is only four YEARS out of date – it is still fine! All those dates are just a marketing ploy to get us to buy more curry sauce!"

Umm – if we have had a bottle of any sort of sauce for (likely) six years and there is only 1" of the bottle gone, well, in my book, it can go. So it just did. And that wasn't even the scariest thing I found. That would have to be the salmon cream cheese spread that expired in 01/2008. Fish – my favorite! YUMMY!

I think I should start a new blog – "Stuff I found in the Fridge". Or maybe – "It Expired WHEN?"

Speeding in December

When is getting pulled for speeding a good thing? Especially on a day when you are already late for work? For a meeting? Until this morning I would have said never. Not in a million years. After all, I have a history of getting speeding tickets in December. Usually in Georgia. On Christmas Eve.

I would have been wrong.

Getting pulled over for speeding is just fine when the police office in question is a mid-twenties muscle man who could moonlight as a male model. Who was then sweet enough to flash a killer smile and let me go with a warning to slow down and a wish for a happy holiday.

Yes, I was still late for the meeting. But I really didn't care. It set the tone for the entire day. It proved to me that even scary/upsetting/annoying things can end up just fine.

You are what you write?

I haven't written anything new for the past week. Not one word. Last weekend, I wrote almost 6000 words in a single sitting. I don't know about REAL authors, but for me, that is a lot. Most of it was one nasty scene, a violent confrontation between my main character and my villain, her rescue, and the aftermath. The entire thing, even the first part, has strong sexual overtones. I think it is the best thing I have ever written. But the content – well, it freaks me out a little. How could my brain produce THAT?

I've tried every day since then to clean it up. Not just the normal editing, but make it cleaner, less explicit. Maybe even have the hero follow the laws of romance novels, and arrive just before the bad stuff happens. It isn't working. The more I fiddle with it, the darker it gets, and if I take the bad parts out, it feels false, wrong.

I read scary and disturbing things all the time. I have never thought of Laurell K Hamilton or Anne Rice or Stephen King as twisted people, even though some of the things they write certainly are. So why does this sort of thing coming out of MY head make me wonder if I really want to put my words out there for anyone to read?

Pondering Fireworks

OK, I'm stumped. The neighbors are shooting off fireworks – the big, barely legal sort. No particular color theme – so far I've seen gold, and green, and red.

Birthday? Anniversary? Some important football game? It isn't UCF's homecoming until November.

Columbus Day?

Really?

Whatever. I'm going to go watch the show.

Piglet sounds like Dobby?

I have nothing meaningful to say, other than while I love Jim Dale, and have spent many many hours listening to him, Pooh will always sound like Sterling Holloway to me.

Words that aren’t in Word’s spell checker

I had a little time this morning, and decided to work on the book. I don't usually work on the book in the mornings. I accepted years ago that I am not a morning person, and the things I do early generally need to be - checked. The words were flowing, but the fingers weren't quite up to the task, with a typo every third word or so. I started going back and fixing this – spell check is my friend – when I came to the word asshold. Now, Word knew that wasn't right, but its only suggestions were 'as hold' and 'scold'. It isn't a polite word, but it is a word and if fits my main character in the moment, so I'm using it, and my $400 copy of Word should help me spell it right, right?


Wrong. It won't help me spell asshole or several of the more obvious words I tried. I'm sure most people already knew this, but I don't generally type these words at work, and I guess I've managed to spell them in the book up to now. It knows when it's spelled correctly, but won't correct it if it's wrong. So I went to the internet.* I found a list of words that Word's spell checker doesn't look for here. And added most of them. Sheesh.



*And yes, I realize that this has turned into a way to putz on the internet and not work on the book, but whatever. Oh, and it doesn't know putz either.